Tuesday, April 14, 2009

ready for that vacation...

i tend to post mostly pictures in my blogs for two reasons:
1. i figure that very few people care about what i actually have to say and only visit because of my beautiful beautiful children...
2. because being open, honest, and vulnerable sucks. it normally comes back to bite you in the butt, and nobody likes walking around feeling naked and as if everyone knows their deepest and darkest thoughts.
so that being said, feel free to psychoanalyze me and judge me.
here are my confessions for the day:
1. parenting is hard. really hard. even on the days that it's easy, it's still hard.
2. enjoy the baby years. you know, those annoying sleepless nights, where you walk around feeling as if you haven't bathed in years, and wondering when you will eat something other than chicken nuggets and hot dogs. no one tells you that those AREN'T the hard years. there comes a day when you have to release your children into the world. not as adults; but as children and preteens, and you can't protect them from other people's views and values or opinions.
3. today i feel worthless and like a terrible mom. i know that everyone has these moments, but none the less, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
4. no, i will not tell you why, or admit to you the things that make me feel so terrible and vulnerable.
5. i know that tomorrow is another day and i will forget feelings this way completely... until the next time.
and lastly.
6. i miss my friends from high school. i have lots of great and wonderful friends now, and am not complaining. but when you're grown up, friends are so different from the friends who knew you growing up. something about being a kid makes it easier to be who you really are. the older you get, the more masks you wear. this kind of makes me sad. kind of really a lot.
okay. done now. next time i will be more cheerful.

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