Sunday, November 30, 2008

it's 1:57 am.

and i am WIDE awake. maybe my insomnia only acts up when mark has to go back to work. ugh. i haven't had a night like this in forever and since reading wasn't making me sleepy, i've been walking around my house trying to pick up an unsecured wireless network. i know. i realize this makes me a very sad person. but really. what else is there to do at this time of night??

some nights don't need words.

"okay. i'll be your girl"

and then what can you give me?
ha ha. i'll put up pictures of the fan later. but it might be one of those things that you just had to be there for.
good friends are great. few and far between; but man. when you find them, nothing else compares.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

sorry mom and dad.

it took 2 hours and 20 minutes. it was my first. and no, it didn't hurt.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

the happy thanksgiving sacrifice *lol*

okay. it's 7:27 a.m. and i'm sitting outside so that i can steal some internet to wish all of my friends and family a happy thanksgiving! if that's not love, i don't know what is ;)
okay. it might be a slight internet addiction as well. no worries we get ours hooked up on dec. 3rd!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

some things are never the answer.
i just found out that a friend of mine killed himself. he got caught up in a bad situation and i guess he just felt like he had no other way out. it's a shame. a waste of a life. he was a really nice guy. always smiling and with a nice word for everyone. i guess that there are just some things that you don't expect to happen. picturing the world without someone who was once so full of life seems so sad. and my heart aches for him, and how lonely he must have felt to do something so drastic. my heart breaks for his family, who i'm sure would have supported him through the tough time... and i'm sad to think that this is something that happens every day. there are ugly things in the world that we joke about. maybe it's our way to put them at arm's distance; or to pretend that they won't touch our world. and then when it does, it makes you stop and think about just how real this life is. how precious. how beautiful. and how fragile. and regardless of the situation, i hope that when people think about him, they remember what a nice guy he was. suddenly those afn commercial's don't seem so funny.
*rip chris*

Monday, November 24, 2008

the tooth fairy forgot to come!

daddy's shadow

she's gonna be sad when his leave is over next week!

this is what people who walk past our house see *lol* (aka; how much is that baby in the window?)


he wouldn't.
he would not.
sometimes it's hard to put the bigger picture into focus.
words are like liquid
and it's easy to swallow them down
when they are coated with sugar.
in retrospect, there are things you are not supposed to figure out
until later.
other people
make my life much easier.


we can only leave the past so far behind.
there are still things that make me want to throw up. and people that i can't let go of long enough to hate.

i hate winter because it makes me nostalgic. the way things feel. the way things smell. the crispness of the past lingering on our hearts.

forgetting might just feel better than forgiving.
don't ask if you don't want to know.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

doing the happy dance!!!

YAY!! my nephew is off all of his breathing tubes and only has his feeding tube in! he's more than doubled his weight and is doing great :) i'm sooo happy!!!!

my ode to you.

friendships are tricky.
there are people you love instantly. and people you just tolerate. sometimes people that you initally hate are people that end up becoming some of the best friends ever. and sometimes people that you really like end up just being a passing fancy. it's strange to me the way that relationships work. how we seem to grandfather in friends of friends, and we aren't free to choose beyond something that we normally would never go for. i am okay with people not liking me. i have come to terms with the fact that i am very set in my ways. that i am very loud. very opinionated and have a really bad case of the stank face.. but the thing that gets me is that once you grow up the whole aspect of friendship really changes. when you are little you share toys and snacks and things just seem to work themselves out over coloring books and crayons. when you are grown, you become politically correct and stay away from politics, religion and pretty much anything that goes past the last movie that you watched or myspace bulletins.
i think it's hard to be real once you reach a certain age.
i think we are all afraid to be unliked. unpopular. or ignored. we would rather smile through the unpleasantries than be true to ourselves.
and this is so damn annoying.
one of my favorite friends is a boy who saw me through all the crazies. who probably saved me from myself once or twice, or a hundred times.
there are people in life that you can never thank enough. and when things get insane, you realize that not everyone is like this. not everyone hurts you. and that there are some friendships worth having.
and this my friends, is what keeps us going. those friends who love you in sweatpants and have your back no matter how true the rumors are...

Saturday, November 22, 2008

and this is where ghetto fabulous comes in...

yes. i took pictures of a picture. i know, i know. horribleness. however, i can't find my thumb drive to scan them and then save them, and honestly, it was just easier to do this way. and yeah, i could have cropped them better; but i figured i'd go out with style *lol*
mommy and her crew. i was gripping onto the babies for dear life because they were both trying to squirm out of my arms!
the trail kids: at this point they were just tired of hearing me yell. and for the record i think it's great that brandon looks so sweet and wonderful; because he was the worst one when it was picture day! we briefly contemplated just not having him in the family picture ;)

it's one of those things.

i haven't blogged too much lately, and for that i apologize. things are just sort of crazy busy, and lately i feel like i can't even finish a complete thought. i'll be back in a while with some things that i've been thinking about.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

pajama monkies!

this picture was cracking me up! they look like little who's from whoville. brandon loves having his picture taken, so when i pulled out the camera to take a picture of him, olivia ran over and "posed" with her big brother. they love the pj's *lol*

Monday, November 17, 2008

i love geishas.

*i found these drawings on google; i don't know who drew them, so sorry that i can't give credit where credit is due!

Friday, November 14, 2008

because a bunch of you asked.

my sister in law started a blog, so that we could keep up with the kiddos and with mario's progress. i know a bunch of you asked, so here's the link. my nephew is doing really good, he's so adorable!! :) keep those prayers coming!

it's right up there with the missing socks.

where the heck have all the sippy cups and pacifiers gone??????

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

i love these kids!

brandon (3) olivia (1) samuel (7) michael (12)

how could i forget to tell you about this???
so while we were in cappadoccia we went to lots of places that sold pottery; nothing out of the norm, right? well, there was this one place we went to called the "hair museum". serioulsy, disgusting. the top floor was a room FILLED and i mean FILLED! with strands of hair. and buisness cards. above is a link to it, but when i get the pictures from shane, i'll have to post ours. it was scary and creepy and reminded me of something that you would see in a serial killer movie. ugh. room full of hair. and i mean, hanging long strands; all over the ceiling, the walls, the doorway. and with buisness cards tacked to the strands and some people even put pictures. it was one of those things that you just had to see to understand the extent of creepiness! i mean, who would say, "hmmm. think i'd like to leave a strand of my hair here for posterity?" ugh... heebie jeebies. aren't you glad i shared??
here's a picture i found on google. that hanging stuff, yup, hair. ewww.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

a wonky little monkey... sock monkey that is...

don't laugh; he has a lot of character ;)

Saturday, November 8, 2008

i'm not normally sappy:

but i feel like i have so much catching up to do.
i liked this:
from a single issue voter who does hope for good things for the future...

okay. maybe just a few shots....

i have a confession. i love turkiye. there, i said it. i hate americans that gripe about living here. i hate when people complain about the alley. when people complain about the food, and about the atmosphere. i love everything about turkiye. i love bargaining. i love cheap veggies at the market. i love the weather, the trips. the turkish flag. i love that it's a country full of christian history. the nooks and cranies of everything that is old and means something... i know. i know. i'm silly, but really... this is slowly, but surely becoming one of my favorite places...

beautiful cappadoccia:

kids in a cave:

the durvishes; on my list of things that i had to see:

jeff bellydancing (you know it's good when it made the blog!):

michael on his 12th birthday!

olivia wondering how she got suckered into going up there:

our official family picture for the year! *lol*
(sam HATED the camel!)
okay. there you have it. a few of my favorites. i have tons more that will have to wait for another day!

happy birthday michael.

i know that you are all on pins and needles to hear about my trip to cappadoccia. however, that will have to wait for another day. today, i want to just take a minute to wish my son a very happy birthday. and you should too!
12 years ago, i became a mom. i didn't realize then just how special the job was that God was entrusting to me. and here i am now, a mother of four, and with lots of years behind me. i am greatful every second for my children. and i am honored to be michael's mom. he's such a sweet boy, and honestly, i don't know where i'd be without him. take a minute to hug your kids extra tight today. they are a blessing. even on the days that they make your head hurt ;)

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


i don't feel like packing for our trip. and i hope mark is feeling better in the morning... as of right now i think he's got the bubble guts and some fever :(
oh no!!

noncommitally yours. is that even a word?

"not your savior" no use for a name.
Unlucky seventeen, already handed plans for the future
Glamour obsessed, shown how to dress, and told how to think
And I don't have a job, but I can show you how to be a slob
So many days, wasted and glazed
Sometimes I laugh aloud as I think about,
You asking me "Please can you help?"Can't help my self
I'm not your savior, I'm not who you want me to be
A cowardly mistake I've made so many times before, refusing to break
Cut my losses ties them with you, like a good boy I'll pretend
And promise not to do it again
Do you remember when, life was so simple and permanent?
Everyone's changed, "Everyone's cool", Everyone sucks
But I can't seem to complain, Exciting and new is just not there
You're getting scared
I'm not your savior, never thought I was anyway
I'm a void with empty promises that backs out late
Never said I'd change, taking back the words that we spoke
Like a fuel tank running dry, you'll believe it when I choke

alright, this is one of my favorite songs. and sort of sums everything up. i'm so busy lately that commiting to anything is overkill. there are things that are a break for me, and other things that just take too much effort. i feel bad for not commiting more to this blog. more to my friends. more to things that i need to take care of. i get sick of everyone taking things so personally when that's not my intention. sometimes things just don't fall into place. i feel like i need a disclaimer or maybe i should just wear a sign: "is a huge flake". welcome to my life as a mother of four. you should really just be glad that i'm wearing clothes when i go out.
onto other notes; i am angry about obama's stance on abortion. it's horrible and terrible to know that our next president has such little regards for human life. that being said, i hope and pray that he does bring about the great changes that he's promised for our nation... other than that, i have nothing left to say. feel free to hate me. <--------- regarding both issues.
signing off and heading to cappadoccia in the morning. we'll be back on saturday. 'til then, my friends.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

family pictures

*whew* taking family pictures is absolutely exhausting! michael, sam and olivia were all fine and brandon was a total terror. for someone who is such a huge ham, he sure does hate having his pictures taken professionally. luckily, he's photogenic enough that they normally turn out nicely. still, talk about high stress! so glad that's over with for the year!

Saturday, November 1, 2008